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Posts Tagged ‘SAHM’

Guilt: Part 2 of a Series

I dropped Boo, my 2 1/2 year old boy, off at gymnastics this morning with his sister, Sunshine. Now, gymnastics, what could be more fun for the kids (other than the &!$@% sprinkler park that I cannot do anymore this summer!)? Though usually seen as fun, when I have to be at work and have a meeting with a new boss candidate, Boo decided he would rather be home baking muffins with me. Of course, were I planning on going home and baking muffins (in a quite house with my music on- glorious!!), he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. So I hold him while the other children start on the trampoline. All it takes is for him to give one go on the trampoline, and he’s hooked, gives me a kiss and I’m off- late, but at least showing up to work. (What would I have done had he not let go of me, crying and begging to go home? Would I really leave him there, crying? Would I really not show up to work because of separation anxiety?

Am I ruining my little Boo? Sunshine never had so much independence (not even a babysitter!) when she was 2. When she started school at 3.5, it was two mornings a week and I sat by the window waving and blowing kisses until pick up time. Now, I drop Boo off almost every day with friends or gymnastics with a swift kiss and hair russle. What does #3 have in store for him?

It is not like I have had a five-year break between children and I’m so excited to stay home and oogle all over Baby. I’m on the edge of SAHM burn-out. Working part-time in an office with other adults is FABULOUS. So, will I regain some of my original SAHM love with Baby comes? Please, say yes, because the guilt is already building, and he isn’t even born yet.

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How much of a good thing?

I am having a quantity debate in my head, and I am curious about what other people might think. Fist of all, how much hands-on mom and dad time is good and how much babysitter/child-care is good. I just returned to work and I am in the office 25 hours a week. Is that too much time away from my two little ones? They certainly don’t spend that time with Daddy, who is at work 80 hours a week. They spend it with friends or a babysitter. It seems like a nice balance to me, but is it for them? And how much of our lives as parents should be about them, anyway? (Topic for another conversation.)

Secondly, how many children are too much? I have two, and will have three in ten weeks. Is that too much for someone who has already hung up her stay-at-home-mom uniform? I would like to have four… but really? The thought of another pregnancy with more veins popping out all over my legs, more wrinkles, and no sleep COUPLED with struggling with that value I held (hold?) so preciously about staying at home with the children when they’re young (read: home for FIVE more years if I have four children) seems like too much. But then, what about later? When I’m no longer feeling stripped of freedom (does freedom ever actaully ever return??) and when everyone is pooping on the pot and sleeping through the night? Then, will I regret not sucking it up now and having the larger family?
How do you know how much of something is a good thing?

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