Eulogy for my first Blog

My Dear First Blog, it is with a heavy heart and tired fingers that I have to say good-bye. You taught me so much about writing, observing, and building community. You taught so well, actually, that I went on to start two other blogs which, I am happy and sad to say, are taking up all my writing time. So, you see, Mamacentric, you will always be remembered as the first, the teacher, and the grandmother of my blogs.

To my loyal readers, who have been patiently returning day after to day to find a new post, this must not come as a surprise. As I have been focusing more time on the Cambridge Moms Blog and Noho mom, there just hasn’t been enough time in the day to write new posts here. Please visit me at either of my other two blogs. I hope to see you there!  xo

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David Sedaris

I’m a huge Sedaris fan. I stumbled across this reading on Letterman, and just have to share it. Enjoy!

watch?v=YBdymtyXt8Y

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Podcasts and Mopping

I don’t have a radio/CD player in my house anymore. We moved, it is in storage, and we can’t find a good place for it. But I don’t miss it. First of all, in my life with three young children, when could I ever listen to it, even if it were here? Secondly, I have my laptop, which has come to mean almost as much to me as a forth child, and it is so much more useful.

Back in my radio days, I would either play CDs, listen to music on the radio, or listen to the news. Now, all my favorite CDs are burned onto my laptop, I have my favorite radio stations saved in my iTunes library which I can queue up whenever I want, and I know where to find my favorite news shows which are all available on podcasts. Not only do I not need my radio anymore, I can experience more using my laptop instead.

Here is what I listen to, from my laptop which is precariously perched atop my toaster, while I mop the floors and clean up the kitchen after the kids are in bed:

WBUR or WNYC streaming live

If ‘m not terribly interested in what is streaming live, I go to:

WBUR: On Point and pick either one of the the current day’s show or something fun and juicy from their archives. I love Tom Ashbrook.

NPR: Fresh Air This one is a great one for keeping up with things that have truly fallen off my radar since having children. Things like books, theater, and music– that are not made for children’s entertainment. Also–and here is a good tip– if there is a book I wanted to read but didn’t get the chance to (and can finally admit to myself that I am not going to) read it, I will go the Fresh Air “past shows” site, enter the author’s name and, viola! there is an interview with the author about his/her book! Then, I get all the good parts about the books, along with some narrative by the author! I just finished listening to an interview with Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma. The other night I listened to an interview with David Sedaris about one of his books, and laughed myself silly.

PRI: This American Life Real stories about anything you can think of, told with wit. One hour

WNYC: The Brian Lehrer Show. He has a show going on right now that is especially interesting, called “30 Issues in 30 Days”, which explains both presidential candidates’ take on various issues. Very compelling.

KPBS: A Way With Words One of my favorite shows from my days in Sunny San Diego. Factoids and questions answered about words and grammar. Kind of geeky, but I always learned something cool.

If you have a lot of mopping to do, or you have more quiet time around the house during the day than I have, OR you have a crazy commute, check out Audible.com. They have books, newspapers, and magazine articles available in podcasts. There is a fee, but it seems pretty reasonable– especially if this is your one way to stay connected to the world beyond.

If you have a favorite podcast, or another way to get your fix, please share!

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Plead to My Fellow Americans

I went to bed last night feeling a little sick. Not because I was painfully reminded that Sarah Palin has a chance of becoming our next VP, and not because I ate too many of my favorite cookies, but because I think Palin did a good-enough job n last night’s debate to win people over. I was willing to face my dismay and resentment of the Republican Party by watching the debate only because I was really looking forward to watching Palin bumble her way into showing Americans how truly unready she is for this position. But NO! No bumbles, no f@#$ ups at all (except for a general’s name that 99% of America didn’t know anyways).

What she gave us was plenty of you bet ‘cha smiles and reassurances coming from Main Street Wasilla, here to fight the bad guys of D.C. Unfortunately, I think that is about all MOST of my fellow country women and men want to hear. Remember that G.W. was voted in TWO times because, in large part, people related to him, could have a beer with him. I wish the moderator had asked questions like: “How old do you think the earth is?” or “Is it true that you believe women who are raped should not be permitted to end their pregnancy?” Maybe, just maybe, then people would have thought, “Hmmm, she is kind of crazy. Do we want a certifiably crazy woman in our White House, representing us overseas?

Because, though she doesn’t know Pakistan from Italy, neither do most Americans. It’s true. Take a drive across the country. Leave the East Coast bubble, and talk to people. Biden was up there reeling off percentages and explaining how bills have these amendments…. Sarah was just smiling and winking, and making people wish they could have a post-debate beer with her.

If I could sit down with Sarah Palin for a beer, I wouldn’t ask her about energy, the economy, or the origins of Earth, I would ask her one question: How could you be so selfish and irresponsible– so UNpatriotic– to accept being the VP on this ticket? How could you? Knowing that you’re not prepared to be PRESIDENT of the U.S.A.? And then I might pout my beer over her teased and sprayed doo, because how can a mother of five have time to maintain that kind of hair styling (never mind the campaigning)?

Oh, please, fellow American brother and sisters, see beyond the smiles and hair spray. See that, though it is possible that she could be ready for the White House after a few more years of governing, and after a few science classes, she is not read yet. At all. Please don’t fall for the Beer Gal, like you did twice for the Beer Guy. Please.

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Chores and Allowance

“I don’t have any money at ALL in my bank and I need more!” While this sounds a lot like the front page of the WSJ these days, this is actually the sad and slightly scary voice of my almost-seven-year-old daughter. I think it is high time to introduce the idea of chores, allowance, and fiscal responsibility.

Who knew what a difficult subject that would be to tackle?

I was raised with chores, and loads of them, and I received an allowance. How else would I have been able to sport those dangly hot pink triangle earings? I don’t know how old I was when I started doing chores– and getting paid for them, but I remember high school (boy, do I ever!) chores. Obviously, my Tiernan is not going to be mowing the lawn at his point, so I need to figure out what she can, and more importantly will do.

Here is what I have come up with so far: make bed, clean up table after meals, unload dishwasher, clean up room. I don’t think things like “brushing teeth” should be considered a chore, nor should be paid for with an allowance. Which brings me to my second point: why should children be “paid” to clear the table, and help  in other ways around the house? Since I have started thinking about this whole development, I have gotten a little confused about the meaning of chores and allowance.  I mean, if the “experts” suggest that rewarding a child with a desert for eating a healthy meal is bad news, what must they say to paying a child to clean up her dishes?

But still- they need money in that piggy…

So, what I think I am going to do is slowly start asking for more help from Tiernan around the house, without any real explanation. (How do you think that will go over?) I am also going to talk to her about an allowance- separate from the chores. I will add a dollar a week into her piggy, and more if she does a special project, like organizing the toy bins or washing the car. I guess I could hang the allowance over her head as a threat/bride/punishment, but then I’m wading in murky waters again. Still, tempting…

A final decision to make about allowance is how to teach them to use it. I have heard of the “thirds” rule, where they can spend one third on themself, one third is to save, and the final third is to give away. I think this is a lot to ask of anyone, whether it’s a mom making $100,000 a year or a seven year old making $1 a week. I might lean more towards one half for her to spend on herself, then divvy up the other half into savings and charity.

I am painfully aware that all these plans could change or never even take off, as most of my attempts at new things with my children go (especially those that I spend this much time thinking about). I would love to hear if your children have chores or receive an allowance, and how you decided to approach that. Maybe by the time my daughter reaches her 21st birthday, I will have figured out the BEST way to teach her about family and financial responsibility. By then, she’ll have maxed out her credit card (if they will still exist), have two cars leased, and have a pigsty for a bedroom. Oh, the pressure…

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Having It All

Since school started, I have one child in 1st grade all day, five days a week, one child in preschool all day three days a week, and a two-year old at home with me. This now leaves me with six hours a week of guaranteed nap time, and four more hours a week of possible nap time freedom providing my preschooler finds something more fun than me to play with for two hours on his days off. So, what to do…

Though I should sweep and mop the kitchen floor, fold the pile of laundry on the chair, and get dinner prepared so I’m not running around like a lunatic at 5:00, I don’t want to. I feel like I have found this fold in time that never existed, shouldn’t exist for a mother of three, and it’s MINE! So every day, after I lay Dylan down for his nap, I start walking around in circles frantically trying to decide upon the best way to use this precious time. Do I read the week-old newspaper I haven’t yet finished? Do I check e-mails, knowing that I will get sucked into the cyber vortex only to resurface when I hear Dylan’s cries two hours later? Do I start writing that children’s book that has been burrowing through my mind? Do I practice yoga? Meditate? Sleep?

I end up doing 10 minutes of everything, accomplishing nothing, and feeling exhausted by nap time’s end. Does this happen to anyone else? I’m a little concerned that I have lost both the ability to organize and the ability to chill.

So, remembering that I once, in another lifetime, used to organize business programs for maximum efficiency, I decide to treat my six (maybe ten) hours a week like a business schedule. Here’s how it looks:

What are my top objectives (other than loving and feeding my children)?

1) Write

2) Keep up with the news (only by reading the daily– but it NEVER seems to happen)

3) Yoga and exercise

4) Engage in creating positive change

I could go on forever with things like: make children’s scrapbooks, learn how bake, frame all those pictures- no, develop all those pictures, paint the dining room molding, etc.

You may have also noticed that I did not include folding the laundry and all those other activities that make staying at home with the children such fun. That is because I have decided that, though it may make life a little easier- and prettier- to mop that floor, when will I ever get anything done for me– for my soul? I don’t know if you stay home with your children or not, or if you care if the floors are mopped or not, but one thing we can agree on here (I think) is that we have got to take a little time aside for ourselves. Right?

So I take my list of priorities, my day keeper, and my pencil and I get to work scheduling. Because we all know once it’s written in the day keeper (or Blackberry for you super cool, can’t accept that you’re not working in an office anymore moms) it’s done. Right? Here’s how mine looks from Monday through Friday from 11-1:

Monday: Finish Sunday paper, read Monday paper

Tuesday: Read paper, make huge meal that will last for many days

Wednesday: Read paper, Write

Thursday: Read paper, make another huge meal (even if still working on Tuesday’s) that will last for another many days

Friday: Read paper, Write

I squeeze yoga and exercise into the week by taking Dylan with me to the Y, where they have amazing, and therefore guilt-free, child care M-F mornings.

I squeeze work related to politics and the environment into the evenings since hubby is never home anyway, and politics are much more fun after a glass of wine, or two.

Whew– and there you have it: a brain, a body, and a hot dinner. Bring it on, Palin!

Afterword: I only just devised this plan. Though I am a die-hard optimist, parenting (and the current administration) have made me painfully realize that not everything nothing goes as planned. I’ll let you know how this goes… or maybe you’ll chance upon my published book one day and say, “Ah-ha, now I know it is possible to have it all!” If you have a plan to have it all, please share.

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Starting School

I dropped my daughter off at her first day of First Grade today and, though she was utterly fine, my heart felt heavy as I left the school. Not because I’m concerned about her school or teacher but because, my God, my baby is growing up! Kindergarten still felt like preschool to me: lots of play space, singing and dancing, and doodles to bring home. First grade, with the desks, workbooks, and the pencil cases, threw me over the edge. It feels like she’s on the fast track, now that first grade has begun, and soon she’ll be stuffing her car with books and music iPods, pillows and pictures and heading off to Godknowswhere while waving out the window…to a sobbing mother. I need to grow some thicker skin, or I am going to be a constant embarrassment.

Being an American, and not belonging to a particular religious sect, I am always on the look out for ritual, tradition- activities that make specific times significant and special. Like the first day of school. Following American tradition, I took my daughter out yesterday to go school supply shopping (though she didn’t need anything).  Though she LOVED picking out a notebook and buying a pencil sharpener, I am, as usual, looking for more. I just called up a couple friends who’s children just started first grade as well, and invited them to join us for an after school popsicle party.  That’s a little better– at least it doesn’t take place in a store. But what else can we do to celebrate starting school… and growing up.  I would love to hear if you do anything special for your children at the beginning of the school year, or if you have heard of any cool traditions others do. Do share!

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Congress Bans Phthalates! Next: BPA

It’s time to celebrate! Congress has agreed to a ban on three dangerous phthalates in products made for children under 12. The decision came in spite of the chemical industry’s desperate (and well-funded) attempt to shut the provision down. Here is a good article in the Washington Post about how parents feel about the ban, the chemicals, and big industry.

Next on the (my) agenda is a ban on bisphenol A (BPA) in food containers. There have been more than 100 studies performed by government scientists and university laboratories that have found health concerns (including breast cancers, diabetes, behavioral disorders such as hyperactivity and reproductive problems) associated with BPA. Indeed, one federal study estimated the chemical is present in the urine of 93 percent of the population.

But, hang on– the FDA just released a report claiming that BPA in food containers poses no health risks. Well, what they really said is, “FDA has concluded that an adequate margin of safety exists for BPA at current levels of exposure from food contact uses.” Isn’t that reassuring? And whoa– surprise, surprise, two of the major studies upon which the report was based were… industry funded. Read the whole article here.

Now is the time to call your representatives! Thank them for voting to ban phthalates (assuming they did), and encourage them to place a ban on BPA in food containers. There is a proposal in the committee stage right now for such a ban. Go consumers! Go mothers!

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The Work Conundrum

Before I begin this monologue, I would like complete disclosure. First, I know I am fortunate to be able to stay home with my children while they are young, even though it has cost us ungodly amounts of student loans. Second, if I were to return to work with two preschool-aged children, the amount of money I would bring in after taxes and all the child care costs would maybe allow us to rent our Saturday night movie without guilt. This is not a “should I go back to work for the money, even though I don’t need it” post, because God knows we need it.. but wouldn’t get it. This is a “should I go back to work, even a little bit, to save the sliver of sanity I have left” post.

There are two realities I cannot get around, when conceiving my ideal work scenario: a) Hubby works insane hours and that is not going to change until after all the children are school-aged, and b) we don’t have the money to have a sitter while I do non-paying good vibe volunteer work. Also, I do love hanging out and playing with my children, especially in the beautiful summer and fall months. Therefore, if I returned to work, it would have to feel very real and rewarding to warrant leaving the children. Alright- so after all those stipulations, what is left?

Here is my ideal scenario: Be home with the children in the morning, and have some fun adventure,- a hike, a swim, the bike ride, etc. Then Baby lays down for nap from 11-1, during which time I prepare dinner and get ready for work. The babysitter comes from 2-5, while I go…change the world for the better for more than the $12/hr that I’m paying the sitter. There is the clutch. How does one find a meaningful part-time job that pays enough to cover the care?

I know there are jobs out there, specially-made for moms who want a part-time gig. And if all I wanted was a break, and half my sitter money paid, I would stuff envelopes or make direct marketing calls (well, maybe not), but I am looking for something outside of a creative pancake recipe that that will challenge me.

I am coming to the conclusion that I need to make something up myself. Something fun and challenging that will better my community, pay at least as much as the sitter charges, and be part-time. If I were a just a sculptor…or a shoemaker….

I would love to hear what you think about working as a mother. Do you? Do you want to, but don’t? Does it bring you the sanity I dream of, or make life even crazier? Is it possible to have job charming while raising children? Or do I need to put all this on hold for another few years? And one last question that could fill a whole new post: if you have decided to stay home with the children, but plan on returning to work some day, at what age do you think it is right to return to work, and why then?

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A Pinch of Peer Pressure and a Dollop of Exposure

I have come to believe that the true way to get children to do what you want them to do is to expose them to it as much as possible. Whether it is eating beets or cross-country skiing, the more they see it, and see other people doing it, the more likely they will do it.

Ground-breaking, isn’t it?

Yes, it seems like common sense, but I know I’m not the only mother wondering why my children (who only ride their bikes for one hour every other weekend on the bike path) won’t try riding their bikes without training wheels. Or why my children (who take 4 weeks of swim lessons a year) don’t seem interested in swimming without a foamy thing tied around their waist.

“But when we go to the pond, you can go swimming out there once you learn. It will be such fun!” I would try to coax them and, yes, sometimes bribe them. “If you even TRY to ride without you training wheels, we’ll go get ice cream in Davis Square.” Nope. Totally uninterested.

Then we moved from our mostly Italian senior neighborhood to a community filled to the brim with children who are outside all day. On their bikes. Two weeks here, and both my training-wheels-or-bust children were riding 2 wheelers. I’m pretty sure that Dylan will be riding a 2-wheeler by his third birthday.

And swimming…. We live 1/4 mile from the YMCA (which the children can now bike to on their 2-wheelers), which boasts not one but two large pools. So, after my yoga class every Tuesday and Thursday (during which the kids are playing in the free and super duper child watch area), we swim. Though they offer swim lessons, neither of my older children were interested. “I want to take lessons with you, Mommy!” Well, while I don’t give any proper lessons, and actually spend all my time holding the baby, Tiernan and Rowan have both learned how to swim on their own— and even under water, which I was certain wouldn’t happen until they were thrown into a pool at a high school college party.

I have a friend (shout out to Jen Roberts!) who swims with her children nearly every single evening, and on the weekends. Her daughter was jumping off the diving board before mine even knew what a noodle was. Exposure. The good news is that you don’t need to be a member of a fancy county club to swim often around here. Somerville’s Kennedy Pool, right by Porter Square, has lessons and open swim time throughout the year, and I’m sure there are others.

Exposure and peer pressure are two words that often scare parents of young and teen children. But sometimes, they can work in our, and our children’s, favor. Now if I can just get the neighbors’ kids to start eating broccoli outside every night…

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